General News

Sup nigs. Im back and im here to update you with some new shit. Actually there’s nothing new, it’s the same old fucked up dead community thats still infested with noobs like tiny Dicks. Surprisingly though, I discovered some new faggots on the block named dkz (pronounced dickz). These guys just started their clique and they’re ready to show you what they do when their dicks are hard. The game is dead idiots, move the fuck on to some other game. I don’t know how these fucktards enjoy playing a dead game that they lose every scrim/match at. No seriously, I don’t think dickz won anything, ever.

Now that the game is dead, we gotta have some type of quakelive tribute. So I’m gonna spice things up this time and talk about the shittiest players I’ve ever came across during my entire legendary time. So let’s break down the skills of some of these pussies:

Feroz (aka host) – Each finger on this massive barrel of pork weighs an approximate 20 pounds. I keep telling everyone, this guy doesn’t have to click on any buttons people, buttons get jammed when slightly touched with his fat cheeto-stained fingers. Feroz currently runs an online business where he sells all kinds of products, ranging from bottled water to vibrators that have more moving parts and settings than a drive-through car wash (that means mzheroine will get an unlimited supply for the minivan that she calls her ass).

In the next few weeks, Feroz is going to be proposing to Mzheroine live on quakelive, guests include Jonathan “fatal1ty” Wendell, John “ZeRo4” Hill and John Carmack. Heres some valuable advice for you two balls of obesity, please use protection. It’s a disaster just thinking about what your kids are going to look like.

N4utikal - This guy is a giant pussy. Runs, hides, spams but in the end, ends up eating my shit. Nhii has a bigger dick than you scrub, literally. Speaking of Nhii, the United States of America agreed to let this gook into their country. Even though the body scanners showed a huge and dangerous penis dangling beneath her skirt, security didn’t seem to care. She now resides in the same trailer as n4utikal.

I would also like to mention that Nhii actually wanted a piece of inf3cteds testicles, no really, she wanted to be with infected prior to moving in with this dirty nigger. “infected I don’t think we should talk anymore, cause tyrone is getting jealous and he wants me to move in with him, em yeu anh hôn anh xin chao ong (something in Vietnamese that we are trying to cipher)”. We have a full log of the hot and steamy conversations that went on between infected and Nhii. I will be posting this log very soon as it contains a great amount of Vietnamese that our staff is working hard to translate.

Driver8 - You used to be an OK player for like 2 weeks, now you’re just bad. But on the bright side, I would still consider you a player if I had you on my team, unlike mzheroine who happens to be like having Ray Charles playing with you. Anywho, you’re both garbage, end of story. Oh, I almost forgot, you also have the gayest name in the entire community, congratulations faggot.

On the night of June 20, 2010, Driver8 gave mzheroine shit for playing quakelive while having a mouthful of twinkies. Mzheroine insists that they boost her gaming performance but driver8 begs to differ. Feroz ended up siding with mzheroine and a fight ensued between the two cocks:

Esteem – Definition:
Main Entry: es•teem
Pronunciation: i-'stem
A name that screams "homoerotic 2 inch erect cock".

This guy sucks way beyond belief to even mention his quake skills, so let’s talk about his life instead. Esteem is a total closet faggosexual, emo faggotron, and a faggotry fan club cheerleader faggotismo. Esteem possesses a dangerous power, and that is his extremely soft sultry voice. He comes on our vent every once in a while in an attempt to seduce our boy xenovex and lure him into one of his infamous cock traps with his sweet submissive voice. Esteem enjoys wearing nail polish of all different shades, he prefers dark purple, blue, black and his most favorite, pink. We were actually informed that he also wears black makeup and almost choked himself in a closet with his pants down for not getting linkin park concert tickets last year. (thanks Feroz for the insider info)

Ripper – Since this pussy hacks, there’s no point in talking about anything related to the game either. Growing up, Ripper was a broke loner and band geek (he played his band teacher’s flute) who offered his anus in exchange for something to eat. Today, Ripper has one lone friend and roommate – Samir Mustapha, who he happened to meet while playing RA3. Samir, a cock terrorist, enjoys detonating his load on Ripper’s face and diffusing Ripper’s anal hemorrhoids with his tongue on a regular basis. Lately, Ripper has been a little depressed and sees nothing worth living for. Deflecting every one of Samir’s attempts to spend time with him, he would much rather spend his time admiring the shape of Samir’s ass, masturbating to underage boys, and spying on his elderly neighbor Joe as he gets dressed.

Samir became fed up by the way Ripper’s life was going and lashed out at Ripper. “You are useless!!!” He shouted. “You’re just angry I won’t give you a piece of this" Ripper replied while rubbing his toned buttocks. "Let me tell you about the first time I had a dick up my ass," he said, touching his breastbone delicately and forging a dreamy expression on his face. "It was Hassan, who coincidentally happened to be my lacrosse coach at prep school. We made love in the locker room after every practice and match. It was beautiful. I loved him."

Samir had a partially puzzled, partially disgusted expression on his face, "What the fuck?" He cried out in fear. Ripper while conspicuously sliding his hand down the front of his pants and scratching himself replied in a reassuring tone, “It was your father. I'm sorry. I was eight. In fact, I was the one who seduced him, though people who don’t believe in true love will tell you different.”

To wrap this article up, I would like to present you with Tiny Dick’s quakecon team pic in 2009.

P.S. I have no idea what Feroz is doing there.

General News

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_iaamkUEF_A

This video stars dusty's number one, all-time favorite actor, the great late David Carradine. Throughout this video, you can see Carradine training with various members of inf3cted's family. inf3cted himself can be seen at 1:24, you can clearly see he lost his eyesight due to failing to execute the auto-erotic asphyxia practice successfully.

This sexual practice was mastered and invented by none other than our beloved Carradine himself and sadly it was also the reason behind his death. The 72-year-old actor was recently found dead in a hotel room closet tied to an intricate web of ropes -- one around his neck, another around his genitals and the two tied together. The practice is a sub-category of sexual masochism that involves reducing the oxygen supply to the brain while masturbating to achieve a heightened orgasm.

Carradine's advanced age suggests that he may have been a lifelong practitioner of the secretive and dangerous practice and now that we lost him, there is only one man on earth left that can execute this practice flawlessly and this man is our boy dusty.

After a very productive discussion with dusty, I am more than delighted to share what I learned. The steps towards performing the perfect auto-erotic Carradine masturbation are as follows:

1. Sit in a closet
2. Tie one rope around your neck
3. Tie another rope around your genitals
4. Tie the two together
5. Masturbate

WARNING: do not attempt unless under professional supervision, you could end up blind or dead - come on irc and request a 1 on 1 webcam conference with dusty, NOT inf3cted.

General News

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9vk5pcjCwyQ

Here is a video starring the great Steven Seagal. While we all know Seagal kicks some major ass and that in itself is reason enough to post this video, you might be wondering what this has to do with our boy g3nesis.

1. Grayson's grandfather is the old man standing against the jukebox and taking the beer bath before getting thrown out of the bar.

and more importantly..
2. At 1:49 into the clip you see g3nesis confront Seagal, resulting in 4 broken fingers and a crushed windpipe.

g3nesis is currently undergoing physical therapy to get his mouse fingers back in gaming shape and is expected to make a full recovery by the 3rd quarter of this year.

Get well soon, Tom.